| Author | Posts |
|---|---|
| Author | Posts |
| February 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm #53961 | |
 Xander | @Spencer I agree with what Kathryn said about searching within yourself, but the internet can also be a useful resource for this sort of thing. I’m not sure how much research you’ve done (if any) about the trans community, but there are a lot of websites out there with people sharing their experiences as well as general information. There are also more options than just being a girl or just being a guy. You mentioned that you don’t mind being a guy, and it’s possible you might identify more strongly with something like genderqueer, genderfluid, or bigender. It might be helpful to search some of that stuff out. Ultimately, you have to do what’s right for you, and it’s going to take a lot of thought in order to figure everything out. I’m an FtM and I just came out last year (I’m 21 to put that into perspective), so it does require time and thought. Anyway, I hope that helped. I guess more than anything I want you to know that what you’re feeling doesn’t make you messed up and I hope figuring all of this out goes well for you. |
| February 14, 2012 at 7:17 am #54280 | |
 Jenn | I kinda have this thing where I assume everyone hates me. I had these two best friends, who I’ve been friends with for years, and I stopped talking to them recently because I just felt really guilty that I was annoying them and they were just too nice to tell me. It’s not that I can’t talk to people, I just don’t see the point if I’m just going to get on their nerves. But whenever I bring this up to someone they just tell me to talk to people and be more outgoing but that’s not really the issue… |
| February 14, 2012 at 3:37 pm #54369 | |
 LizzumsBeth | @Azzie The issue here sounds like one of self-confidence. You are a worthwhile person, and your friends are lucky to know you. You shouldn’t abandon your friends because that is the kind of thing that will upset them. You deserve to be happy and feel good about yourself, so don’t ever put yourself down. Whenever you’re starting to think that you’re not good enough, stop. Stop and think about some of the things about you that are made of awesome. Because feeling good about yourself isn’t cockiness. It’s healthy and you can do it if you keep working at it. Don’t lose hope and don’t give up on people who care about you. You could use them by your side. |
| February 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm #54385 | |
 Sharon | I don’t really need advice, but it’s Valentines day and my best friend is leaving for basic and I can’t talk to her for 5 months and my mom just had to get surgery for Melanoma. I can’t really tell anyone I’m upset about either because I don’t want either of them to know. I’m always the strong one who tells everyone “It’s going to be okay” and keeps everyone hopeful and upbeat, but for some reason this time is just really hard. Just wanted to be able to tell someone, thank FSM for Nerdfighteria. |
| February 14, 2012 at 10:18 pm #54638 | |
 Ali | @invictusheart I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. I myself had Melanoma too. Mine’s gone (or so they say) but I understand completely. But just because you’re the one who usually supports your friends doesn’t mean that you don’t need support yourself. Everyone has weak moments. I couldn’t tell my friends that I had been diagnosed for almost a month because I was kind of scared to? Just know that if you feel like you can’t talk to your friends, nerdfighteria is huge, and we’re all here for you, and if you want to talk to me, I’m cool with that too. |
| February 14, 2012 at 11:14 pm #54697 | |
| LizzumsBeth | @InvictusHeart I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time. I’m glad you decided to come post here. There will always be support to be found here when you need it, but I think you should reconsider the decision not to tell anyone why you’re upset. Being the supportive one all the time is a common complaint on here. It leaves you feeling alone more often than anyone should. Your friends and family will understand that even if you are struggling and that even you sometimes need support. You can rely on the people in your life from time to time and still be the upbeat person you like to be. Anyway, if you want to talk about any of it. I’ll listen. |
| February 17, 2012 at 7:13 am #55891 | |
 Erica | Trying to focus on the positive here, so I’ll start off with that. As I’m sure everyone is aware Valentines day was on Tuesday. My boyfriend cooked me dinner and because he knows I hate real flowers (I think it’s pointless to spend money on something that’s going to die in like a week) he got me a metal rose (which was made out of an old hard drive) engraved with “I love you.” Score one for nerd love And now for the negatives. I keep getting into fights with my dad about my boyfriend. It’s not that my dad doesn’t like my boyfriend or anything, he keeps getting mad at me for spending time with him. He gets mad at me for not being home. He’s made it very clear that “I live here” and NOT at his house… he also threw in some stuff about him paying for my school and that I need to follow his expectations. He’s not happy about me coming home and “buggering off” again. And when I tried to talk to him about how on Tuesday some of my boyfriend’s friends are having a “games night” and the fact that it’s going to go pretty late and (because I don’t have class on Wednesday until 2:30p.m.) the possibility of staying over at his house because it makes the most sense (which isn’t something new, in fact I basically lived there this week because it was reading break)…he literally offered to pay for a cab all the way from the games night thing to my house (which would cost a ton of money)…. I’m going to say he’s pretty angry with me. After I got home today, he also did the whole “you’re an adult, you could move out if you don’t like it” thing. Even though I know that would also make him angry and when I pointed that out he didn’t deny it either. He keeps bringing it all back to the fact that he never had much of an “adjustment period” to get used to my relationship. (We’ve been dating for nearly 4 months) and he thinks that everything moved too quickly. I understand that, I get that he isn’t used to this (I didn’t date much in high school). My friends keep telling me that he just loves me and he’s not ready to let go and that he’s afraid of losing me. But I would also like to point out that he’s doing a pretty good job of pushing me away. It’s like I said to my dad. Me not wanting to be at home is nothing new, in high school I was always either at basketball games/practices or literally hanging out at school until like 5:00 just so I didn’t have to be at home. I wasn’t happy here, and I guess that hasn’t really changed much. In high school the main reason that I didn’t want to be here was because of my relationship with my sister and us fighting all the time, but now that has shifted to my relationship with my dad and the fact that we fight all the time. It has gotten so bad that I am even considering moving out, even though I know that would mean that I would have to start paying rent, for groceries, for school, and I would pretty much be broke all the time. I guess I could practically live in the library and get my G.P.A up enough to qualify for an academic scholarship (which would be a good thing regardless) and then that way paying for school wouldn’t be as much of an issue. Also right after this fight with my dad I got the grades back for my Cognitive Psychology midterm (a class that I despise and wouldn’t be taking if it wasn’t a requirement) and I failed it by 2 points. I never fail things, but apparently I do now. I know if my dad finds out he’ll tell me that it’s because of my boyfriend and me spending so much time with him, but I think that the fact that I HATE the class has something to do with it. (It’s really hard to study for something you can’t stand). I guess I’m going to have to try out the “living in the library” plan… Long story short: I spent a fantastic 4 days living at my boyfriend’s house, then I came home and it basically ruined my week.. (And people wonder why I don’t want to spend time at home…) |
| February 17, 2012 at 11:27 am #55902 | |
 Carissa | @Erica I can totally see how your dad’s actions are starting to really bring you down. Sometimes it is hard to move your relationship to an adult/adult type relationship after you two have basically spent your whole life as parent/child. It might just take some time for him to get used to this, or you might actually have to find a way to make him see that you are an adult now. Though, this might require you to take a more adult role. Think about maybe starting to pay rent (doesn’t have to be a whole lot since college kind of makes you broke all the time) or helping out around the house in a more adult capacity. Making diners or doing grocery runs of your own volition. Part of being treated like an adult is acting like one. It takes a while to figure it out. Trust me, I’m 25 and I’m still trying to get the hang of it. If none of this works, maybe it is time to move out, find an apartment to share with friends and/or your boyfriend. About your test scores, well that just sucks. I know what it is like to study for classes you hate (Je déteste françaises) but have to take anyway. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to get through it….but reward yourself when you do. Do something fun, crazy, something you would never normally do…and when you remember that stupid course you will also remember the awesomeness that you got out of it in the end. Right now I seem to be alternately ecstatic and really annoyed. I just got my second short story published (or at least it will be published in May) so I am really, really thrilled. I mean, total happy dance going on at my house for the last week. But the edits that the editors did to my story kind of make me want to weep. I think I actually cried the first time I read it…and not in a good way. It was actually kind of awful to see what they did to my story. The problem is that some of the edits they wanted to make made the story like so much better. But then I would look at the beginning of the story and just cringe. It took me a week of re-reading and re-reading till I was finally able to see the story in any type of light that wasn’t just the massacre of something i created. The fact that I describe it as a massacre probably shows the even now I have real issues with the edited version. But…I let them publish it. And now, at the point of no return, I still have doubts. Is it still my story? Ugh! I though after I agreed to it being published these doubts would go away, but they just don’t and that is seriously annoying. I love writing…I ditched a decent major (with actual job prospects) to get my BA in English so I could learn to write better…but i have to say, I really hate this whole publishing gig. Too bad I have a massive ego that requires I have lots of people read my stuff and tell me how awesome I am. Probably going to have to ditch the ego. Or just bribe people to inflate it. |
| February 17, 2012 at 9:08 pm #55992 | |
 Mislav | Well, might as well… A long time ago at the beginning of highschool I made some very stupid social choices where, compared to being “nerdy”, I wanted to be “cool,” which pretty much led into me being an a**hole. I recognized this as a fact and since then I’ve been doing my best to do just the opposite, to be open and helpful and, most of all, comfortable with myself (which eventually led me to Nerdfigtheria 5 years later). However, after a long time, I did the most stupid thing today, I’m really ashamed of myself. There is a guy on my studies group who is incredibly smart but really socially awkward and thus not really popular. That wasn’t a problem for me, I talked to him as much as I could. At one time, however, we were asked to do a really short powerpoint presentation about some old documents and he made a really, really long one. So today, when we were waiting for something, I blurted out something along the lines of “hey did you see Persons X powerpoint? It was goddamn long, really detailed and everything, but too damn long.” And, the problem is, he was, uh, right behind me. I guess it wouldn’t be much of a problem, but he is just so closed, like a wind could blow him away like a leaf. Anyway, I will apologize to the man as soon as I see him, I just wanted to process it. Let this be a lesson to me and everyone, not everything needs to be said and if you do say it, say it to them directly. |
| February 19, 2012 at 4:56 am #56465 | |
 Luke Brekke | I have a close friend who’s struggling with a form of depression that makes her prone to lashing out and not trusting people. I’ve been doing my best to help her, but I struggle with depression as well, in a form that just makes me completely hopeless and worthless. Helping her just keeps taking its toll on me, and I don’t know what to do. |
| February 19, 2012 at 10:13 pm #56736 | |
 Audrey | @ubertaco I am sorry that you are lonely. But I just had to say, good for you for sticking to your convictions! Speaking as a girl, it is entirely refreshing to hear a guy say what you said about not having a girlfriend just to make yourself happy. It really is about more than that, but few people live like it is. Whoever you do end up with will be one happy and lucky lady. Hang in there! God’s got someone for you. |
| February 20, 2012 at 10:06 pm #57129 | |
 Devina | So.. this one’s a bit heavy. And I haven’t told many people about it. But I gotta get it all out. At once. But my dad’s in a hospice right now. He went to the hospital Thursday afternoon and got moved yesterday afternoon. They found cancer in his lungs and he’s having a hard time breathing. I know he’s not going to get any better, but the waiting is killing me. And even worse is seeing him struggling to breathe because due to my asthma I know exactly how he feels. It’s not a good way to feel, and definitely not how I’d chose to die. I just wish he’d go already. And I hate saying that because it makes me sound heartless, but I really do. He’s been declining for three years. He has dementia, and he hasn’t been eating for a month. He’s so skinny and frail. |
| February 21, 2012 at 4:45 am #57324 | |
| Erica | @Devina I’m terribly sorry to hear about how tough things have been lately. (And because I’ve also felt the loss of a loved one, (in my case my mother) I know that these words offer little comfort). In saying that you wish he’d go, you’re not heartless. You’re tired of watching him suffer and you want his pain to end. If you only focus on the things you’re not going to be able to do with your dad/the things you’ve never done, you’re going to have difficulty finding acceptance and happiness. (also speaking from experience). Try not to focus on the fact that he was grumpy and white haired in your life. At least he was there. Like I said before, this probably doesn’t help with the pain you’re feeling. Just remember that all of Nerdfighteria is here if you need us and we’re ready to listen. |
| February 23, 2012 at 4:16 pm #58056 | |
 Munk | Ugggghhhhhh Sooo, girl I’ve talked about before. The one with whom I sleep etc etc. Got a text today saying how she likes me a bit too much to carry on the way we’ve been going so far (like I predicted), we talked a bit about it, and she seems completely ruined right now. I haven’t done anything wrong, but she’s got enough problems as it is (man, mine are dwarfed in comparison), and I feel like an ass now :/ Addendum: We’re okay I think. That’s a relief.
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| February 23, 2012 at 8:57 pm #58120 | |
 UberTaco | Gah. So there’s this chat where I hang out. It’s a cool place. You’d like it. Until someone floated out there the idea that anyone who hold my beliefs should be categorized as “crazy crazy”. So I tried to explain why I believe what I do. And the whole chat piled on me. And buried me under a pile of strawmen constructed from a series of negative assumptions about me until I could not actually explain my view without it getting lost in the commotion of people beating the stuffing out of their strawmen. And then I left, which doesn’t help much of anything except make the poking and mocking stop for a brief period, but ultimately leaves me kinda hurt and them still unable to even hear the truth about what I believe. Gah.
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| March 14, 2012 at 10:15 pm #67213 | |
 Alison | I really like my friend but he has a girlfriend who by the way is awful. I’m not just saying that, she is so self-centered and conceited. She is a total attention whore and is awful to my friend but he puts up with it for some reason. She goes as far as completely ignoring him and referring to him as “the wind” or furniture when she’s mad at him which is often. He is the nicest person and I hate to see him treated like that but I can’t really say anything to him about it because he actually likes her. I general I touch people a lot (hugs, pokes, etc..) and they are the same way with me. My friend has even sat on me a couple of times. I think the girlfriend hates me now because of that and my closeness with my friend. She gets jealous easily and bitches constantly if she isn’t getting most of the attention. I’m worried that she might be badmouthing me to him but at the same time I kind of think that if she did it might make him like her less. ARRRRRRRGGGGGG! |
| March 16, 2012 at 8:28 pm #67929 | |
| Erica | This week has been really stressful. I had two midterms (one did not go well, but I think I aced the second one). On top of that I’m late… as in I’m afraid I might be pregnant. My boyfriend and I have always been really careful about that kind of stuff, but I’m still really freaked out. I know that there’s an easy solution to find out but I guess I’m afraid of confirming one of my worst fears here. My dad has never had that many rules for me, but one of them was always if you find out you have an STD/STI or are pregnant, don’t bother coming home… I guess I’m going to have to suck it up and take the test, if nothing else it will put my mind at ease and I will have an answer. Worst coming to worst I can decide what I am going to do. |
| March 16, 2012 at 8:46 pm #67934 | |
| Alison | @Erica I don’t know your father but no parents I know would ever abandon their child. Is it possible that he used that rule as a way to keep you from making choices you might regret? Or is he actually serious about kicking you out? I’m so sorry you’re in a bad situation. And….I know this may sound ridiculous but you may want to try smelling something rose-scented. It actually makes you happier by interacting with the chemicals and hormones in your body. Just a thought. Anyway, I hope everything turns out ok. |
| March 20, 2012 at 1:02 am #69024 | |
| Erica | So I took the test and it was negative… I still have this nagging feeling that I read it wrong or something (even though I know I didn’t) I’m just paranoid. |
| March 20, 2012 at 2:04 am #69090 | |
 Elizabeth Rain | For two months now I’ve liked a guy, and I’m always blatantly obvious (at least in my opinion) that I’m interested when I’m around him. People who are around us when we hang out can tell I like him, and my friends always give this helpful advice of: just kiss him, or rip off your clothes and tackle him. And though they mean well… I don’t think that’s going to work with him. I even make a bitter joke every now and then that I would fall for the only guy in town with no libido. Another one I make is: I’m in love with a conservative Christian? Well I’m breaking my own rules! I’m being sarcastic of course because he is honestly the most brilliant guy I’ve met that isn’t a total ass about it. He has flaws… a lot in some people’s eye, but I think he just has a good sense of humor. Now my problem isn’t my confidence in myself, it’s the cliché of ruining my chance of not getting to spend time with him if I’m brash, and so of course I just try to hint… which obviously isn’t working. Because, for as smart as he is, he is really oblivious… which is frustrating. Overall I’m trying to get him to ask me to go see the Hunger Games this weekend. I’m of course going to ask him if it comes down to it to go with friends, but I wish he would show initiative so I don’t ruin anything… because he gives mix signals like the Easter Bunny gives eggs. -.- So… yeah, that was my pitiful rant… haha. |
| March 20, 2012 at 8:29 pm #69291 | |
| Alison | I think I might fail this grade. I keep missing deadlines and I can’t seem to motivate myself. I know I need to do work but everytime i try to do it i can’t find a place to start. On top of that, my mom keeps pressuring me. She expects me to be the best and won’t accept anything else. I got a near perfect score on a recent essay and she ‘jokingly’ make a little comment about how she wondered why I didn’t get a perfect score. Most of the time she’s just trying to help but it can be a bit much and whenever I ask that she backs off she punishes me for being rude or snips at me about how i should be working. |
| March 25, 2012 at 6:53 am #71124 | |
| Erica | @Alison, I get that. I’m sorry that you feel like you’re going to fail and I don’t know what to suggest here. I’m in a similar situation with trying to plan my future. I know that in order to have a hope of getting accepted into grad school I need to boost my GPA and start volunteering, but I can’t seem to motivate myself to do it. I know that there are opportunities around for me to volunteer, but I don’t seem able to will myself to take advantage of them. And I don’t seem to be able to summon the effort to put into studying. I’m currently sitting at a C in one of my classes and I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy just to not be failing, where as in high school anything lower than a B was completely unacceptable to me. I guess what I’m saying here is standards and expectations of ourselves change over time and everyone falls into little ruts every once in a while. I’m assuming that your mom is just trying to push you to do your best, but she’s going about it the wrong way. You could try sitting down with her and having a civilized, adult like conversation about it. Just make sure at the very beginning that you make it clear you’re not trying to be rude or anything, that you’re just trying to get what you’re feeling across. With whatever you decide to do I wish you the best of luck and I really hope that you find the motivation that you need to pass this year. |
| March 26, 2012 at 4:01 am #71534 | |
 Brittany Hudson | Le deep breath. My best friend loves me. And god is this ever cliche. We first became friends because I found out he liked my best friend. So, I was chatting to him to try and help him with the situation, because she didn’t like him and I was trying to make it easier for him because people kept pressuring him about asking her out and such, when he knew she didn’t like him. And after that we became closer and closer and now he loves me. And he isn’t behaving like he did with her, as in shy and not really doing anything about it. It’s to the point where when he went to Ireland last summer I couldn’t talk to him because all he did was sit inside and message me over the computer. I’ve told him MULTIPLE times that he is ONLY my friend and that’s all he’ll ever be, and that I will never feel like towards him. I’ve never told him the “oh, if only I could find a guy like you” speech. Because, honestly, I find that horrible and makes things worse. He KNOWS where he stands, yet can’t seem to come to terms with it. When I found out I was moving to Germany for a year, he decided, about two weeks later, that he was going to moving to Ireland for six months. I’m currently not speaking to him, because honestly, I don’t know what else to do for him. He doesn’t get that he’s only my friend. And he always gets pissed when other guys hit on me or I go on a date. So, I honestly think us not speaking is kinder to both of us in the long run. But it still sucks. Bleh. Also, I had a minor breakdown while watching the movie “Hook” because of how much it reminded me of my childhood and the fact I REALLY don’t want to grow up. Le rants over. |
| March 27, 2012 at 10:17 pm #72163 | |
| Erica | @ Brittany I’m sorry to hear that your friend is making this situation so difficult for you. I don’t know what to offer you in the way of advice because my first thought would be to make sure that you are clear with him and tell him that you’re not interested in something more. But you have made it clear that you’ve already tried that approach. It really sucks having to hurt people we care about but in this case that appears to be your only option. So I’ll leave you with this: “Don’t try and stop yourself from growing up in certain areas of life and moving on just because someone you care about isn’t ready yet. They’ll get there on their own and your paths will either come together again or not. But face it, you cannot save somebody who doesn’t wanna be saved. And you can’t force something that isn’t meant to be.” Sorry I couldn’t be of more help to you and I hope it works out. |
| March 27, 2012 at 10:32 pm #72172 | |
| Brittany Hudson | I appreciate it anyway. Until he can either get over it, or attempt to really be my friend, we can’t talk. We can’t really have a faux friendship, and expect for it all to be peachy. |
| March 27, 2012 at 10:35 pm #72175 | |
 Juliet | I grew up in a Christian family, have attended church most weeks since I was really young and that is where I met a lot of my friends. However, I am an atheist. I do believe in a Christian way of life (helping others etc.) but can’t believe in a God. I have tried but I can’t change how I feel. I’m very logical, and with access to so much information it just seems right. I have no clue how to tell my family and I don’t know how I would cope with losing the interaction with my friends. What would they think of me and my lies? And will my other friends doubt my credibility and will I lose their trust? It fills my head far too often… |
| March 29, 2012 at 7:31 am #72789 | |
 Abreo | .
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| March 30, 2012 at 4:07 am #73110 | |
| Erica | @Juliet I have a question for you, was it always a lie? Have you ALWAYS felt this way? Most of adolescence is a time spent trying to figure ourselves out. Heck, a lot of us are going to spend a lot of adulthood still trying to answer the question of “who am I?” So in that respect, I can’t understand why your friends would doubt your credibility. You said you still believe and uphold the values of Christianity, you just don’t share all of the beliefs. I’m part of a skeptics society at my school where most members started off religious and eventually realized that they were atheists. Granted there were mixed results from their families, but the majority of them were accepting. However, I can’t say anything about how your family/friends will react because I don’t know them. But we can go for the classic cliche of “if they really are your friends they will accept you for who you are.” |
| April 10, 2012 at 12:36 am #77705 | |
 Daniel | If you still love me, why are we over? If I’m the person who comforts you when you’re afraid, and all you want at that time is to be in my arms, why are we trying to be friends? If you don’t want to move on, then why do? What do the last three years mean to you? And what about the years we spent living together? Why? /sigh Sorry Nerdfighters. I had to rant. dftba and all that jazz. |
| April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm #78737 | |
 polysyllabix | Hi guys, I’m new here. I’ve been feeling kind of crappy lately and I saw this thread made especially for such confessions so I thought I might write my story. I got to know a girl on a language course a few months ago. I liked her a lot, and I have a strong suspicion that this was at least partially reciprocated on her side – though I can’t be entirely sure, given my nonexistent experience with romantic relationships. The problem is that I have always been a deeply introverted person. Communication with people I don’t know quite well has always been an extremely awkward experience for me. And that’s exactly what made me procrastinate asking her for some kind of contact untill the very end of the course. Even on the last day I couldn’t pluck up the necessary courage (there were other people around, I think you know by now that this intensified my shyness) and I spent the next few weeks trying to forget my pathetic lack of boldness and deeply resenting myself. And yet it turned out all was not lost! I randomly ran into her a few days ago and she seemed very glad to be seeing me (she also said that). We talked for a few minutes, though it’s more accurate to say that we laughed over a joke I said. She had to go somewhere so we parted but before that SHE ASKED ME for a skype/ facebook name. I was so excited I had an immense urge to run and jump around, screaming with joy (kind of like Neil Gaiman). I gave her my skype username, and she said she’d add me as a contact that night. The only problem is that all this took place almost a week ago and I’m getting desperate again. Did she really mean that? Does she really even remotely like me? Why is there such a horrific lack of contact requests in my skype account??? Will I ever have a girlfriend? I’ve had similar feelings toward several other girls but I’ve never had the strength to tell them so. I turned 21 a few days ago… I know I’m pathetic, I just had to get this off my chest. I have a few close friends but due to my immense awkwardness I’m entirely unable to talk to them about such things. Thank you all for reading my tirade and DFTBA.
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| April 13, 2012 at 6:43 pm #79019 | |
| Erica | You’re not pathetic. We all do things when we’re ready for them. I know it sounds ridiculously cliche but my current relationship (of almost 6 months now) started when I stopped trying to find someone. I’m usually pretty quiet too, but what I did was I asked this guy who was in my Abnormal Psychology class if he wanted to study for the midterm we had coming up and we really hit it off and now we’ve been dating for nearly 6 months. So what I’m really saying here is don’t worry. Everything has a way of working itself out. She may have a reason that she hasn’t added you on skype (maybe she lost the name? or typed it in wrong, or hasn’t been on skype lately) If that’s not the case and she was stringing you along a little bit then she probably doesn’t deserve you. I say move on with your life and see what happens. Try not to focus too much on the skype contact request thing. Best of luck! |
| April 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm #79028 | |
| polysyllabix | @Erica Thank you for your kind reply, you’ve made me feel better. I think I probably shouldn’t get so fixated on such things, being kind of nonchalant seems more appropriate. Unfortunately, I’m not easy-going, I’m nervous and, to some degree, obsessive. I tend to focus my attention on my problems, whatever they are, and I usually get stuck over-analyzing the possible outcomes. I guess spending more time doing other things and less indulging in self-pity should do the trick. I’m still tempted to search for her on facebook or elsewhere but definitely not right now. I should probably just wait for a while, she might even contact me. Well, thanks again to whoever’s reading this. It’s nice to know that you can talk to someone about your most intimate problems, even if that’s done via an internet forum. |
| April 13, 2012 at 11:56 pm #79066 | |
| Erica | No problem. And I’m probably more similar to you than you realize. I have the same tendency to obsess and worry about things that I really have no need to worry about. Like possible outcomes when I don’t know what is going to happen in the future because no one does. I hope that everything works out and I wish you all the best. |
| April 14, 2012 at 12:15 am #79070 | |
| Erica | I’m going to throw something out there that has been bothering me lately. So here goes… My dad has been single after my mom died for basically my whole life. (My mom died a few months before my 4th birthday) He dated someone once when I was younger but he never told my sisters and I until after things had ended. Now he has started dating again, but this time my sisters and I know about it. We still have yet to meet this woman and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Here are my main concerns about this relationship: She still lives in the same house with her husband and they don’t sleep in the same bed/room or anything anymore but still, they’re not divorced. (This is something I just found out) and on Wednesday my dad was going out with her for wings and then when my sisters got home from yoga, they saw a purse and a pair of heels at my house and my dad’s bedroom door was shut. So he brought home a married woman who we’ve never met…And technically he’s sleeping with a married woman. Which is something I have a problem with. I’ve also been fighting with my dad a lot lately about other issues like how he feels I don’t spend enough time at home anymore (his exact words: “Stop treating this house like it”s a hotel”) and then when I asked him about how he would feel if I moved out he basically refused to even consider the possibility because then he would stop paying for my school. He decided that there is no way that I could afford to live on my own. (at this moment, no I can’t afford to live on my own but I’m sure if things really got awful I could find a way to do it, even if it meant getting student loans or something to pay for school). I had quite a few conversations with my dad last night but the one that hurt me the most was when I was talking about grad school. I’m a psychology major and if I want to go anywhere within the field of psychology it’s pretty much a given that I’m going to have to go to grad school. I was talking to my dad about how hard it is to get into grad school (as in my law and psychology prof basically said clinical psychology is harder to get into than med school, like at my school the average G.P.A they accepted was 3.95 and that usually it’s something like 6/200 applicants actually get accepted). which freaked me out a bit. I want to go the counselling psychology route, which has slightly lower expectations than clinical but I’m still nervous about it. So after I explained all this, my dad asked me if I thought I could do it. I told him I was starting to have doubts, to which he responded (exact quote) “Well if you know you can’t get there, then why are you doing this?” not something like “if you don’t think” nope, he said “if you KNOW.” Thanks for not believing in me dad. Right now the song “Broken Angel” by Boyce Avenue pretty much sums up my head space at the moment. link to the song if you’re interested—> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DE9YiFTxClU |
| April 14, 2012 at 1:15 am #79079 | |
| Daniel | I can’t say I’ve been in the latter situation, but I know how odd parents moving on can be, just practically, I always found it strange. I can say that you have a community here, and even when the forums go dead for a while, we care about each other. And collectively, we care about you. (And that goes for anyone else here) I’m not saying that knowledge will fix everything, but I hope it’s at least worth something. And now my turn. I ranted above. Combine that with Featherstone by Paper Kites (give the lyrics a listen) and the odd freeing/crushing melancholy expressed there and you might get an idea. I can’t write it out because I don’t really understand. “She wasn’t bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.” |
| April 14, 2012 at 5:26 am #79123 | |
| Erica | Thanks for your reply. I remember reading your above post, and not really knowing what to say. We are here listening, even when we don’t always reply (I am for certain at the minimum). I’m really sorry that you’re having a rough time and I hope that things get better for you. If you figure out how to explain what’s going on then I’m still listening and nerdfighteria is here for you. |
| April 14, 2012 at 8:14 am #79181 | |
| polysyllabix | @ Erica I don’t know if that’s any help but I’ve noticed that parents sometimes resort to saying such things when they feel they’re getting alienated from their children. I don’t know if that’s the case, but I’d advise you not to take his comment very seriously. It might be very hard to get accepted but, as far as I understood from what you said, you have your chances. Don’t give up before you’ve started and don’t let others discourage you. I think you should do your best and see what happens. In my opinion that’s a whole lot better than what he’s telling you to do. The fact that he doesn’t believe very much in your abilities is not very encouraging but… well, you know, you can always prove him wrong. Best of luck. @ Daniel I think I know how you feel. Getting through such periods is hard but what I think is most important is not giving up. I think you should try to find distractions and focus on other things instead. I’m in a similar state myself and I know it’s not easy, but I think it can help. Music, especially classical in my opinion, can be of great help in such situations. For example I often listen to Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 20, K. 466 when I’m in such melancholic mood. It’s definitely among the best ways you can spend 35 minutes of your life and if you listen carefully you’ll feel much better in the end. It sure is dark and tragic but that makes the relieving ending all the more fascinating. That’s just one example, you can find thousands if you really want. Maybe it’s best to resort to your personal favorites. I really hope you’ll feel better soon. |
| April 14, 2012 at 11:35 am #79184 | |
 Berglind | So um I don’t know how to get this out of my chest but I guess I’m kind of lost at the moment. I don’t know what Im doing and I don’t know why. I have no idea about what I’m going to do with my life, My classes are really challenging and I don’t know if I can handle it but I have to if I want to be able to learn the things I want to learn at University. Is it really what I want to learn? I’m just not sure anymore. I’m under a lot of stress and it annoys me that every time someone says something mean to me he MUST be telling the truth but when someone is complementing me or tells me I’m pretty he must be lying because I just don’t believe him. I’m not a very open person, I like to keep things to myself. I tend to bury all emotions deep down until I eventually explode (It isn’t pretty) I know this probably doesn’t make any sense at all, but nothing does now a days. |
| April 14, 2012 at 12:42 pm #79187 | |
| Daniel | @lilja Knowing people who aren’t very open, it’s really impressive that you put something here, you get kudos. And this. Because it’s adorable. Thank you for your reply @polysyllabix , it’s true, for my depression which has come on with biological reasons and some of the reasons that I’ve talked about on here, distraction until a phase disappears has been a really good strategy; music (playing+listening), photography, reading, and writing have all helped. And this advise goes out to anybody else reading this; busying yourself in a way that’s tangible and in a way that you can see what you’ve spent your time doing really helped me. I hope it helps someone else. and of course @ebot thank you for your reply, being reminded that people here care is always nice. My message to @ebot last night goes to you as well @lilja – we give a damn. Because you gave a damn enough to come here and get it off your chest. |
| April 14, 2012 at 8:20 pm #79305 | |
| Erica | @polysyllabix @Berglind Good luck to you both and DFTBA! |
| April 28, 2012 at 6:55 am #83547 | |
| LizzumsBeth | I can’t believe how long I was gone this time. I feel pretty terrible every time I leave here. I’m not going to reply to everyone this time because it would probably be pointless by now. I just want you all to know that I read everything you’ve posted since I was here last. I hope everyone is doing well. It makes me feel better to know that the thread was in such good hands while I was gone. |
| April 28, 2012 at 7:35 am #83550 | |
| polysyllabix | Hello again guys, I just wanted to share the rest of my story. So I waited two weeks for this girl to contact me. Needless to say, I guess, she didn’t. Then, just to know that I’ve made sure I tried this one time, I found her on facebook and wrote her. You know, if she happened to have lost my skype username and so on. I think I wasn’t clingy or creepy or impertinent in my message, I told her that I wouldn’t make another attempt at contacting her if she wasn’t interested. The result was, as I actually expected, null. Well, I’d say I got over it. After all I anticipated something similar because of my inborn pessimism. It still sucks, though. Anyhow, thanks again for reading my rant. |
| April 28, 2012 at 4:03 pm #83576 | |
| LizzumsBeth | @polysyllabix I’m sorry she never got in touch with you. I can’t say whether the girl decided later not to talk to you or if she lied, but either way, you deserve to be surrounded by people who want to talk to you. I wish there were something I could say or do to help you, but the only thing to do is let it go and move on. There will be and are people out there worth talking to who will follow through with getting in touch with you too. |
| April 28, 2012 at 5:14 pm #83599 | |
| polysyllabix | @ LizzumsBeth Thank you very much for your thoughtful and encouraging answer. I think you’ve given me good advice on being more of an extrovert. My main problem is that I very rarely meet people that I am willing to talk to. That means that I am a bit clueless around people that I genuinely like. I’m not particularly sure I’d like to be socially graceful – after all, society is primary made of people who are totally unlike me. I just want to be a little less stiff when I want to engage in conversation/ share something with someone. I guess following your advice will help in that direction, too. What’s giving me some consolation is that I already have a few friends who share my interests and are willing to indulge in prolonged discussions with me. I guess it’s not altogether impossible to meet a few more. Even writing here is quite difficult for me, I generally keep troubles of this kind entirely to myself. I feel a little guilty for aggravating you guys in this way. I very appreciate your understanding and your comforting replies. DFTBA. |
| April 29, 2012 at 5:09 am #83675 | |
| Erica | @polysyllabix DFTBA! |
| April 29, 2012 at 5:49 am #83680 | |
 Amelia (Millie) | Ok, so I know this guy, we talk practically every day at school, sometimes on weekends but now I’m in Europe ( which you can guess is an 8 hour time difference from Australia) for two months and even though I’m pretty sure he likes me the way I like him (a lot) I’m kind of scared that he won’t feel the same when I get back because we’ve gone from speaking every day to only being able to message every few days…. |
| April 29, 2012 at 6:45 am #83681 | |
 Wolfgang | I recently had this conversation with a friend. |
| April 29, 2012 at 7:28 am #83685 | |
| LizzumsBeth | @polysyllabix I’m glad to be of any help. As Erica said, it’s not an aggravation when you post at all. If it helps to post, I genuinely hope you continue to do so. @millie7 That’s awesome that you’re going on such a trip! I don’t know about stopping him from losing interest. The only thing I can tell you is that if he loses interest, either it will come back when you do or it won’t. And if it does, there’s no problem. If it doesn’t, then he’s probably not quite right for you anyway. I know it sucks to think of it that way, but just keep in touch as best you can. Chances are that if he’s interested now, he’ll be interested until you come back. @bromine35 Wow. That’s quite the identity crisis you’re having. What you’re experiencing does sound similar to depression and you should consider seeing a professional. But, as for the identity thing, I think I can speak to that some. I understand what you mean about wanting to know and understand yourself, but sometimes the labels just don’t fit. Try to think about who you and who you want to be in terms of feelings and actions instead of labels. Maybe you’ll find that some of the labels fit, or maybe you’ll find that you take a little more effort to understand and know than can be expressed in so few words. I do think you’re belittling yourself and your problems and that it won’t make you particularly happy to do so. If you’d ever like to discuss your identity, I’ll listen and/or advise anytime. I hope that you figure out what will make you happy and enthusiastic. Good luck. |
| April 29, 2012 at 9:14 am #83687 | |
| Wolfgang | @lizzumsbeth I know that I should probably seek professional help. I’m just not sure I’m at the point where I could actually work up the motivation to do that. That would require I talk to my parents or a school psychologist or someone and go through all the necessary channels to get in contact with a professional, and even then, I’d rather be able to be at least somewhat articulate before talking to one. I really dislike situations where I’m less coherent than a random word generator, and I don’t think I could explain this to anyone IRL very well. I’m at a stage where I just want to make my internal monologues less internal, and I figured this would be a reasonably good place to do it. |
| April 29, 2012 at 10:59 am #83688 | |
 becca | @wolfgang I know that sometimes its really hard to talk to adults so you should try to find a peer to talk to or even email or forward this to. Sometimes there aren’t words to describe you emotions and its true that people are really complex so its understandable that emotions are too. I think what you’re talking about instead of schrodinger’s cat is more like the observe effect in physics that when you observe something you change it, so maybe you should stop trying to observe your emotions but try understanding where they came from. However, there might not be an origin but you might be right, when you’re teenage you do have a lot of hormones roaming around your body affecting your behavior. True happiness is rare and i can’t say i’ve really felt it either but maybe you’ll find it one day or maybe you’re are just over thinking happiness and its in the little things like when you’re with your friend. For over a month now I’ve had an issue with one of my friends and it was never like we actually had an argument but we’re not on good terms. I’ll start from the beginning, because it seems like the obvious choice of we’re to start. i really miss her but sometimes i hate her because she still is fine and has everyone (especially when she talks to the main friend i have left )and i feel like when she laughs its trying to make me feel bad but then i hate myself for thinking that btw when i feel really depressed i come up with bits of song lyrics because listening to and writing lyrics have always helped me sorry that this is long and confusing and bad grammar but i just couldn’t focus on that
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Approaching someone is tough enough for me as it is, and such experiences certainly don’t help me be more outgoing. As an acutely introverted person I rarely find people whom I consider worthy of communication. It’s not exactly exhilarating when they obviously don’t think the same of me. What’s most frustrating about this particular instance is that the girl in question told me she’d contact me the day that I met her. Why do some people promise things they won’t do? Is it so hard to think through what you’re saying so that it does reflect what you’re thinking/ going to do? After all, I guess I wouldn’t really like communicating with such a person.
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