“Awesome? Completely inappropriate? Begging for a non-nerdfighter parent to freak out and slap me with a restraining order?”
ALL OF THE THINGS! Haha I think it’s a brilliant idea for the nerdfighters who need a bit of guidance through sex and relationships I’m still going to giggle at the words fellatio and libido.

How are you supposed to get the penis in there while lying on top?

I’ll just get this started…

I’m a boy, but thanks. The advice works pretty much either way. lol

Also @gillvinyeta, if you are experiencing friction, I would recommend lube…and more foreplay. A healthy sex life should contain copious amounts of both.

@bromine35

Actually, no. Being on the receiving end of anal sex can be a very pleasurable experience for both men and women, and can be engaged in with little to no discomfort at all. Sadly, most people (particularly girls who experiment first with a very eager partner) who try anal do so hastily and thus tend to find the experience uncomfortable or even painful.

Anal play of any type requires alot of communication between partners, particularly from the receiver. Also, anal sex absolutely requires generous amounts of lubrication.

If you are interested in experimenting with anal play I highly recommend beginning with solo play in a safe, comfortable environment such as a warm bath. That way you can get over / around the “ick” factor (because as someone who really enjoys receiving anal play: poop happens.) without feeling like you’re dirtying your sheets. Also, when you’re by yourself, there’s no pressure to continue or to “get to the good part,” so you can always take your time and stop whenever you feel like it. I would honestly recommend taking your time on each step until you’re comfortable and enjoying with each one before moving on to the next.

A couple of tips for the mechanics: begin with a massage. using a well lubed finger to apply light to moderate pressure around the anus. I have found that for most people a circular motion pushing from then center outward is best.

When you’re ready to move to insertion (remember! there’s absolutely no rush or pressure to move on — take your time) take a deep breath and slowly exhale (think yoga) while simultaneously pushing out (as if you were on the toilet). This will help allow you body and involuntary muscles to relax (because while the outer-most sphincter is a voluntary muscle, everything else isn’t) and will ease the finger in.

Take a few moments after that initial insertion to relax, take some deep breaths and become familiar with the new sensations — I promise it’s different than anything else. You may begin to feel a clenching feeling — this is normal, don’t worry. Remember that while you should always stop immediately at the first sign of pain (this is why I recommend you try this alone first. It’s also why communication is so vital) this is unexplored (dare I say it? virgin) territory — so act a bit like a tourist: try a bit of everything and don’t worry if it’s not quite what you expected.

This is the point where most people begin have problems. Without proper lubrication, insertion can be rough — causing an involuntary panic response in the receiving partner; clenching down further, and making any further motion aggravating. If this happens to you: STOP! While there’s a level of “acceptable” discomfort that may accompany any sort of sex, the tissue within your colon is particularly susceptible to harm and is at a much greater risk of infection (you know because you have all those bacteria living there). The last thing you want to happen is to end up in the ER with a septic infection all because you rushed sticking something up your bum.

OK, so if you’ve been following my advice, chances are you’re now pretty comfortable with your butt. If you’ve made it this far the rest is basically cake. Apply the same circular massaging motion using the pad of your inserted finger to apply light- moderate pressure on the walls of the sphincter. If you’ve inserted more than the first knuckle of your finger, you may have run up to the second sphincter, located about 1-2 inches within the anal cavity. This sphincter is completely involuntary — so you can’t use that nifty “push out” trick on this one. However, like all friendly passages, it will open up easily if you simply knock and ask nicely. Slowly applying constant pressure to the sphincter will get it to relax and open up rather easily — but sometimes it take a bit of time — particularly if you’ve never done this before.

Once you’re past the second sphincter, you’re basically in the home stretch (though like all good things, anal sex is about the journey not the destination). Take your time continuing your massage and when you feel you’re relaxed enough, try to insert a second finger. If you can make it to two fingers without a problem, you can likely start experimenting with small toys such as anal beads or small butt-plugs. If you subsequently make it up to three fingers, you can pretty safely take phallic-type objects such as dildos, insertable vibrators and yes, penises.

If you feel comfortable with three fingers, try incorporating your partner. Start off slow and easy — just walk your partner through your now practiced routine, constantly communicating your needs and feelings. If you make it to three fingers — chances are you can do anything you want — so long as you’re willing to take the time to do it right.

As a object of note: fingers are probably the most dynamic and useful body parts, so don’t feel pressured to move past them. Fingers have more motion, responsiveness and feeling than anything else you can stick anywhere, so enjoy them! They also have a particular advantage over other insertable options: they bend. Try turning your hand so that the palm is facing up (that is towards the genitals) and slowly curving one or two fingers up and inward (in a bit of a “come hither” motion). In men, this motion will typically rub the prostate — which when coupled with genital simulation can provide very intense and pleasurable orgasms. (This is one of the key reasons many men — of all sexualities — like anal sex so much; it’s actually more pleasurable for the receiver than the penetrator). In women, this upward pressure pushes on the shared wall between the vagina and rectum, providing a “full” sensation while indirectly stimulating the G-spot.

Alright, now for some silly cosmo-style tips:

Don’t be afraid to mix and match — anal stimulation goes well with pretty much anything, so don’t be afraid to add some spice.

If the receiving partner is male, try adding prostate stimulation to oral sex.

If the receiving partner is female, try adding a sphincter massage to vaginal sex by having her lean forward while she’s on top (don’t forget to add in kissing — the world always needs more kissing).

For a real intense experience, try wearing butt-plugs while engaging in other sexual activities.

Use a small massager or bullet vibrator to massage the outer sphincter.

Lastly, a few words of caution:

1. DON’T put anything in your butt that wasn’t designed to go there. If it doesn’t have a flared base, it doesn’t belong in your rump. Period.

2. Use some rubber! Whenever you’re inserting something natural into your butt, wrap it up. Wear nitrile or latex gloves for your hands, and put condoms on everything else that’s not made of silicone, rubber, glass or surgical steel.

3. You can NEVER have too much lubrication. Unlike a vagina the rectum does not produce any sort of lubricating fluid (in fact the entire job of the lower intestine is to remove fluid) so protect it from abrasion and injury by providing ample lubrication.

4. If it ever hurts. STOP. Immediately. I know I said this earlier, but seriously — stop.

Woah.. that’s a long post. Well have fun, be safe and hope that answered your question.

Hot damn! Talk about thorough.

First off: Congratulations! It’s very good that you and your new boyfriend are talking about sex — even if it is really kinda awkward sometimes.

Now on to your question: How usual is it for a girl around age 19 to masturbate (either regularly or irregularly).

Before I answer your question (with some science!) we should talk a little about samples and research methodologies. Sex research is always voluntary (you know what with being ethical and all) and typically relies on both self-selection and self-report, particularly when asking such general questions about a given population. Both of these traits mean that the given set of data may be skewed (After all, everyone who answers the survey by definition has to be the sort of person who answers questions about their sex life, who has an internet connection and time to answer(which carries with it a bunch of socio-economic baggage), and may be distorting (maybe intentionally, probably unconsciously) the facts). So take the answers with a grain of salt.

That all being said, most large scale surveys account for these problems by increasing sample size there by decreasing the impact of individual variables. So they tend to be very accurate.

Ok. Here’s your answer, as retrieved from the Kinsey Institute from their 2010 survey of sexual behaviors.

Only 26% of women age 18-19 have masturbated in the last month (we’ll call that regularly)

yet…

60% of women age 18-19 have masturbated in the last year (we’ll call that irregularly)

So it’s certainly not an uncommon behavior.

Now, to get to the root of what I think you’re really asking: “Am I weird because I don’t masturbate?” to which I think the answer is pretty clearly: No, you’re not weird at all.

However, between coping with that tiny bit of anxiety you should try and understand what your boyfriend was asking and where he’s coming from.

Masturbation is FAR more common in men across all age groups — in fact regular masturbation is more than twice as common among men age 18-19 than women. So the idea that you wouldn’t masturbate is probably kinda foreign to your boyfriend — hence his assumption and faux pas.

Now, why was he asking to begin with? Your boyfriend is (partially due to your shyness and “inexperience”, but also because of the silly cultural presumption that the boy ought to initiate sexual encounters) likely under quite a bit of pressure to “perform” and insure that the experience is enjoyable for you. This is actually a pretty difficult position to be in — because everybody’s sexual response is different.

Hence his question. Your boyfriend was asking what you did when you masturbate so that he could help you achieve orgasm (although I would contend that orgasm is just an awesome bonus and shouldn’t be the focus of a sexual encounter). So basically he was asking so he could have a better idea what you like, what works for you and how to be of service (sorry the pun was too easy to pass up).

So lastly, let’s engage your almost expressed question: “Should I be masturbating?”

Now, I’m not here to prescribe any particular course of action. As the Kinsey Institute findings show, both courses of action are perfectly normal and acceptable methods of sexual expression. And like every other sexual act, you really shouldn’t feel pressured to do it (if you do feel pressured, it’s probably an indication that you ought to wait).

That all being said: Many people (both men and women) find that masturbation affords them time to explore and experience their personal sexual response without the pressure of a partner. It let’s you become familiar with how various sensations feel, what is pleasurable, how your body responds and generally what works for you (which is why infants do it). And you know, I’m always of the opinion that the world could always use more good orgasms, and who couldn’t use some more alone time?

But! I completely understand — many women feel that masturbation is kinda weird, maybe too overtly sexual, even icky. And so they don’t masturbate. Neither one is the “right” choice. They are just different choices.

Hope that answers you question. Good luck, have fun and keep asking question!

In that sort of regard, I would recommend talking simply to him about it. Explain that you’ve never really “experimented” and that while you might not know what works best, you’re really enjoying the process of figuring it out.

There’s never a need to feel guilty about your sexual history, regardless of how long or short it is.

Personally, I like to talk about what I enjoyed with my girlfriend after each time we do anything sexual. Some times it’s a simple “Well, that was alot of fun,” sometimes it’s very specific: “maybe if you twist your hand a bit more…”. I wouldn’t call it a critique really (that would imply some sort of judgement or evaluation which is a heck of alot of pressure) — it’s more like a decompression. When starting that sort of conversation I find it helpful to ask specific questions like: “Did you like it when I did [action A]?” or “Was it better when I did [x] or when I did [y]?” Or from the other side of the encounter: “I really enjoyed [action C], what were you doing? where was that? Can we do that more?”

If you can start a dynamic that invites conversation into your sex life, both you and your partner will be a lot more comfortable and you can avoid those awkward surprises and that orgasm-crushing anxiety that expectations can bring.

And yeah, I know there’s this sort of romantic expectation that the best sex is one where you don’t have to speak — but I’m convinced that’s more of a literary conceit than reality (after all, can you imagine reading a captivating sex scene in which between heavy breaths someone whispers: ” a little to the left” or “Think we can change positions? I want you ” — sex scenes are hard enough to write already, so no surprise writers take short-cuts.)

• This reply was modified 76 days ago by  J.Merrill. Reason: Emphasis added